The Art of Ego Deflation
by madame-knight
Summary: James Potter has always been a tad bit thick, especially when it comes to Evans. Follow them from year 3 to 7, and learn their slightly...odd story.
1. platform disputes

Well, this is my first fanfiction, so…….ya. A few things I would like to say beforehand:

**This story is dedicated to "duckie" a.k.a. Talya, who is the only friend of mine who enjoys (more like – and I quote - worships) Fanfiction (we both talk about it constantly). She listens to my frequent talks to myself (I bet she thinks I'm schizophrenic by now) and got me to sit my lazy butt down and write a crappy fanfiction.**

**Special thanks to Kate who helped me (despite her extreme dislike for fanfiction) through a tough part in the story (several toughie's actually)**

You know what? I wouldn't be surprised if this author's note is longer than the story, so, without further ado (unfortunately), my story:

By the end of third year I had stopped trying to be nice to him. I was never the Dali Lama (imagine how dreadful I'd look bald), but I _tried._ Really, I did.

Potter just irked me. He possessed the black belt in, "The art of getting under Lily Evan's skin."

Third year. Wow. 

Third year proved…memorable. That year, my limited tolerance for Potter and his friends morphed into passionate loathing. In that span of time (which I wisely labeled "When My Bad Karma Showed it's True Nature"), all his highly annoying habits became revolting to me. Previously, I'd endured Potter (to a point) and even attempted civil conversations with him (occasionally). Why, in second year, we had a truce and formed a shaky friendship, even if it did only last for a day or two.

But third year was different. Over the summer, James Potter's all-around awfulness had escaladed, in fact, it had risen so much that his former title of reigning arrogant, egoistical, self-centered, pompous git became somewhat of an understatement.

But the most annoying thing? Everyone possessed the complete opposite opinion when it came to him.

How to relate my third year at Hogwarts? Well, the platform itself bore an interesting memory:

Pecking mum and dad on the cheek, I turned to face the barrier. Intimidating as ever, the structure towered over me, the wall between two immensely different worlds. 

'Lily,' I chided myself, 'it's a brick column, just make a run for it and you be on the platform.' Jeez, I wasn't a first year. I strode forward, and made an effort to look nonchalant as I stepped into the barrier. Of course, once I had decided to hide my apprehension, I had to trip.

Damn it. So much for nonchalant.

I found myself sprawled out of top of someone, who was busy issuing muffled shrieks from below. My green eyes followed my baggage as they soared off the floor and in the direction of a boy with suspiciously messy hair. Shit.

            "Oy Peter! Finally landed yourself a girl, eh?"

My head swung round to glare at Sirius as I felt my face redden. My thoughts turned to disgust. I had landed on non other than the marauder's tag-long, Peter Pettigrew.

I frantically scrambled around, in fruitless attempts to find my feet. Someone caught my arm and pulled me to a standing position. 

With a hurried thanks, my attention returned to Potter.

            "James Potter!  Drop the baggage with your hands up!"

            "Are you sure you want me to, Evans?" Argh.

            "Yes." Teasing never sat well with me early in the morning.

            "Are you sure you're sure?"

            "No Potter, feel free to raid my trunks. By the way, my diary's in the big one."

            "Thanks Evans!"

            "Note the sarcasm."

            "Oh. Still want me to drop your stuff?"

            "Guess Potter." As I said, don't mess with Lily Evans in the morning.

            "If you insist." He flashed me an impish grin that told me all was not well in the mind of James Potter. I shut my eyes and prayed for my belongings (which I doubt would of helped, 'cause if some one up there liked me, I wouldn't of landed on Peter Pettigrew in the first place.)

My luggage shot into the air, came to a standstill a few feet above his pretty little head, then dropped. Of course, by then we had gathered an audience, and all around us people cringed as the trunks collided with the platform's extremely hard floor.

I promptly summoned them, and glared at Potter. His laughing stopped, but he continued to grin.

"So, now you need a crowd to watch your little magic tricks?" I felt the blood rushing to my face for the second time that day, but now for an entirely different reason.

            "Whatcha gonna do about it, Evans?"

"This." I slapped him. Hard. Well, as hard as I could, but it had the desired affect nonetheless. I stared at him one last time, the boarded the Hogwarts Express. In the background, I heard him mutter,

"Girls."

**A/n: **Well, there it is, I hope you drew some enjoyment from it, even if it's the "this story is so bad it's funny" kind and you laughed shamelessly at the author's lack of just about everything. (Hey, that's half the reason we go on fanfiction, right?)

If in any place the letter "n" is forgotten in a word, it's because my  "n" key hates me and only bothers to type the letter half the time. I try to go back and fix all of the mistakes it creates, but every once and a while I'll miss one (for example, the computer won't catch "even" without the n, cause it's still a word – eve.)

A second chapter is almost (note the almost) finished, and will be up soon (definitely within the next day or two, for Talya will kill me without hesitation if I fail to update frequently)


	2. reuniting and oblivious wizards

**A/n: **Here's the second chapter. Yay! I got…..2 reviews (well, so far) and one is my friend talya (or duckie) talking mostly about her birthday. We had a surprise party for her today (she had no idea, even though we did a horrible job at hiding it). Anyways, this switches from Lily's point of view to James and back again. I'm not telling you where (I'm much too lazy to bother with things like that)

Oh, to **mirkwoodmage**: thank you for being brave enough to give constructive criticism (I know unrealistic that whole fight was, I don't even know what compelled me to write it. I did change some things however – a little more yelling on her part, and she slaps him now instead of punching him – hope it's slightly more satisfying)

I apologize for the first version of this story, there were a lot of typo's and parts didn't quite make sense.

Well, on with the story (please note how short this author's note was):

Chapter 2 

After minutes of strenuous searching for an empty compartment, I stumbled upon Miss Prewett.

"Oh no, not you." Alice tended to lean on the sarcastic side. Just a bit.

I opened my mouth to protest, but a voice from behind beat me to it.

"Well I would say the same, but for me, the feelings go much deeper…."

The voice cracked on the word "much", giving away the owner.

"Why Frank, to what do we owe the pleasure?" Alice's sarcasm obviously still lay fresh on her tongue.

"Not to what, but to whom. And, since you asked, it was my mother." At this, I giggled, along with Alice, both of us amused at the thought of Frank being harassed by his mum.

"Does she still wear that hat you got her for Christmas? The one with the vulture on it."

"If I say yes, I'll never hear the end of it. So no, she doesn't."

"We don't believe you, do we, Lily?" cackled Alice. I shook my head, still in a state of mirth. "And besides, I saw her giving you that toad this morning on the platform, and – don't deny it Frank, it won't do you any good – she was wearing her beloved hat."

"Then why bother to ask?" grumbled Frank, slightly irritated.

"Because we can."

Frank mock scowled. "I refuse to accept that as a valid reason, I consider it an excuse."

Alice chose this moment to chime in, "Yes, well we consider it a reason, and everyone knows whose opinion really matters."

Frank muttered something under his breath as we made room for him.

"What's that Frank?"

"Nothing."

"I don't get it when it comes to girls. You try to be nice, and they slap you."

Remus raised an eyebrow at my comment. "Nice? As in harassing her, James?"

I rolled my eyes, "I wasn't harassing her Remus, I merely desired to help with her trunks."

"Uh-huh."

"Admit it, you were annoying her on purpose," Remus stated.

Fine, point taken.

We finally decided, after an intense debate, that I was trying to annoy Lily Evans, but who could blame me, for the girl's a nuisance ("And poor little Peter almost got flattened" as Sirius put it). By the end of the conversation, I felt thoroughly peeved at the rest of the marauders, who all wore an "I - know - something - you - don't - know" expression throughout our "little talk."

I used the sorting and welcome feast as a distraction for my mind, forbidding it to dwell on the peculiar train ride. Remus, Peter, and Sirius laughed and joked (well, Peter laughed) as if nothing unusual had happened. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but all throughout dinner I kept sneaking glances at Evans, aware that she was the cause of my unexpected stress.

"Hey Lily, why does James keep staring at you?"

"What?" Potter? Me? No way. "Do you need a head examination Frank?" All the same, I glanced down at his end of the Gryffindor table, and sure enough, there he sat, staring at me like I had taken the form of some sort of freak (in Petunia's opinion, I had). I quickly turned my head away, muttering 'bastard'.

"Lily?"

"Yeah, Frank?" I didn't feel like talking just yet.

"So what exactly do you mean by 'a head examination'?"

Making our way to Gryffindor tower, Alice once again brought up the popular, but sore, topic of James Potter.

"I think he likes you."

"Who likes me?" I knew who she meant, but getting a rise out of her always beats being obedient.

"James Potter, of course!"

I snorted. "I'd sooner eat chicken then have Potter like me."

Alice gave me a look of pity, and reminded me that it wasn't my choice. Of course, she had to bring up yet another awkward subject.

"Why don't you eat chicken?"

"In fourth grade I saw a video on how to kill one, and they lost their appeal." Phew. At least she didn't make a big deal of it.

"Oh. And Lily?"

"WHAT?"

"What's a video?"

I groaned inwardly, knowing I was forever cursed with friends who refused to take muggle studies.

**A/n: **The whole oblivious to muggle objects is clichéd to the point of gagging, I know, but the whole story is full of them. If anyone dislikes it a whole heck of a lot, I'll make an effort to change it.

Ethel went to school with Chickie, but came back with Hubert, and Margie shall soon join them.


	3. James' feelings

**A/n:** sorry about having to wait for this chapter, I lost the floppy disk this was one for a few days. Kate (my wonderful editor) didn't get to read the very last part, so it might sound a tinsy bit weird. Oh yeah, my **super **long author's note in chapter uno is now in my bio.

Chapter 3:

The Thursday we skipped history of magic, Remus and Sirius confronted me about my "crush."

"We know you like her, James." Sirius never sounded smugger in his life.

"Me? Like who?" I tried to keep my expression neutral. In all honesty, I thought I had done a decent job at concealing it.

"Hmmm. Let's think about this, shall we Remus?"

Remus nodded his head solemnly and stroked his chin, appearing to be in deep thought. "It couldn't be Evans, could it?"

"Definitely not. She's the one James keeps following around, trying to get her

attention…"

I could see where this was heading. "I don't like Evans, I mean, who would? Honestly, I don't! Really, she's awful! She's a stuck up, prissy, vain little brat, who-"

"So are you, James." Sirius pointed out, apparently unconvinced.

"That's not the point! I hate Lily-"

"So now you're calling her Lily?" Remus challenged.

"God Remus, you know what I meant! Why, compared to Alice, she's-" This time I cut myself off, aware I'd let something slip. Sirius, of course, caught his words.

"What's that about Alice, Jamsie? Speak up, Mummy didn't hear you."

"Well I-"

A smile played on Remus' lips. "Now James, you're not so tactless that you would claim we've got the wrong girl. It's obvious who it is."

I fell back on to the bed, feeling defeated. "I don't like Evans, ok?"

"Well Sirius, seeing how he is in his current state of denial, it's pointless to attempt to draw a confession from him."

"Huh?" Sirius was never one for big words.

Remus simplified, "He won't admit he likes her, so there's no point in asking him."

"Oh."

"So," I seized the opportunity to change the subject. "Anyone research Animagus over the summer?"

Out of habit, our voices lowered, all of us now immersed in plans for the greatest stunt we would ever pull off.

* * *

"Wake up, Lily." Alice gently prodded me. Ugh, due to professor Binns' desks from hell, I had a crick in my neck that allowed me to look in only one direction. "Uuunnnnnggnn,"

I grimaced as I coaxed my neck into a more comfortable position. Then, realization hit me.

"Alice, I slept through a class!"

"And?"

"You're not supposed to sleep through classes."

"Of course not. But it was History of Magic, not a class."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes well, do you have the notes?"

Alice snorted. "You're not the only one who sleeps in History of Magic, Lily. But I assure you, it was probably some goblin rebellion." Though Alice got top marks in History of Magic, I preferred to work from notes when writing an essay, redundant as they were. Getting desperate, I gave her the puppy dogface.

"If you insist on notes," she sighed, uttering the words with feigned disappointment, "Go ask Frank. He actually enjoys it."

Of course, how could I have failed to see it before? With effort, I pushed myself up, and headed purposefully towards Gryffindor Tower.

* * *

Though Sirius and I had discovered a decent amount of information, Remus had unearthed the most by far, and – though I didn't say it – I suspect his the idea of a easier transformation drove him to do that. For the first time, I felt progress. But, our meeting soon became an argument.

In the middle of discussing what kind of animagus we would become, (Sirius proved just how intellectual he was by guessing Remus would be a wolf) the door flew open, revealing Lily.

"Frank?" she began, but stopped when faced with only the us. "Oh, hi."

"Hello Lily!" they chorused, making it painfully obvious what they were trying to do. I did not like lily. With lack of a better thing to do, I glowered at her.

She glanced at me, eyes full of distaste. "Oh, lighten up Potter."

That was it. Something in me burst, and I refused to torture myself with her presence any longer.

"Out! Now!" I practically shouted at her.

"Jeez, you don't have to yell. A simple 'please leave' would do."

"Fine." I counted to ten. Breathe, James, breathe. "Would you PLEASE leave?"

"No." Ooh, I hated her! I resorted to throwing insults. "You think you SO GREAT! You're just a smart ass, bitchy, stubborn…FREAK!"

At this, her voice dropped dangerously low. "What did you just call me?"

"A freak." Sirius offered. I made a mental note to kill him later.

"It seems to me that you are describing yourself. And I didn't come here just to bug you. Because – surprise, surprise – the world does not revolve around James Potter." Lily's voice, still only a murmur, had fury etched into every word. She lifted her hand to slap me, but paused, reconsidering. "I think I'll save this slap for a more worthy occasion. You needn't worry. I won't forget." She smirked and flounced out.

"You know, mate?" Sirius' commented, after recovering from the fact that a girl had beaten me, "I'd consider myself lucky, if I were you."

Definitely time to fulfill that mental note.

* * *

That's pretty much how the rest of third and fourth year went. Potter yelling at me whenever he felt like it, and me calmly replying, so usually things didn't get out of hand. However, I never needed to slap him again, maybe my threat kept the worst of him at bay.

* * *

For the next two years, Evans kept provoking me into arguments. They always managed to end before she slapped me, though. Good thing too, that one bruise took ages to heal.


	4. station traditions

**It's been ages, I know, but I have an excuse (kind of). I was in Chicago for a week and a half, and none of my relatives have a computer (not that I would of put it up anyway). This chapter's extra long, so maybe it'll make up for it a bit. And I finally remembered to thank the saints that reviewed (it's at the end of the chapter.) **

**Disclaimer: Talya's been bugging me about this, so here it is, being unbearably sarcastic – DUH. (I hate this word, but it really sums up disclaimers)**

We've done it. We've finally finished it. I'm sure I'll look back, years later, and wonder how we did it, only fifteen, yet we're full fledged animagi. Not to mention illegal animagi. No, we definitely shouldn't mention that. The first full moon's in a few days, and Peter is freaking out.

"Are you sure we can do this, James?"

I didn't have time to listen to Peter. I was too busy thinking about – was I thinking about – no, I wasn't – false alarm – seems like there's been a lot of those in my head lately – especially about – wait, no. The whole point of this conversation is to remind me I don't think about – or do I? – No, I don't. Good, just checking.

"James?" Peter whined.

"What?"

"Shouldn't we try transforming at least once before the actual full moon?" Christ, how many times have I told him? Obviously not enough.

" I repeat, we WILL NOT try it until we are with Remus and Sirius again. We're going to do it together." We drank the potion itself at the end of last year, but it supposed to take a couple months to set in. We all agreed that we would only try it with each other, but Sirius' parents forbade him from "mingling" with us "mud blood lovers" this summer. And Remus was in France. So that left me to spend my days with Peter, and for the first time, I felt jubilant on August 31st.

* * *

Tomorrow I go back. Back to the "freak" world I know. Back to Alice, back to Frank, back to Hogwarts, and back to Potter.

It's sad really, the life I lead. I spend nine months of the year in his company, or with people who wish to be in his company, and come home for the summer only to be met with the presence of Petunia.

"LILY!" Speak of the devil. Petunia.

I wasn't in the mood to chat. "WHAT?"

"DON'T YELL AT ME LIKE THAT! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?" My god. Was she thicker than I thought?

"Then don't be such a hypocrite."

"I AM NOT!"

"You just think that, Petunia." Having an idiot for a sister wasn't so bad. You always won the arguments.

She shut up for a few seconds, only to come back with, "YOU NEVER ANSWERED MY QUESTION!"

* * *

"Oh my! Our little witch is going off to her fifth year at Hogwarts! My how time flies!"

Mum began her annual "Our Little Witch" speech. It had become a tradition. Every year, before I went on to the platform, my mother would review this topic, dropping the phrase "Our little witch" every other sentence. Then - oh yes, here it is now - Petunia's insult.

"She's the hog wart." Petty had all year to think up this line. All her creativity went into it. Usually, this would be followed by a light scolding, but a snicker distracted mum. She turned around and issued a new addition to her yearly speech.

"Why Lily, why don't you introduce me to your little friend?"

I appreciated the change in her routine, but "little friend" is not how I would describe James Potter.

I clenched my teeth, and introduced my family to the infamous Potter.

To my surprise, Petunia transformed. She straightened up - eyes now alert – and with her hand swept her brown locks from one side if her head to the other, fluttering her eyelashes. "How nice to meet you, James."

I bit my cheeks to stifle my laughter.

She continued her act through our stiff conversation, the kind you have when people inquire for the sake of being polite, not because they're truly interested in what you have to say.

Finally, mum announced that they really must be going, gave me a peck on the cheek, and said she and Petunia would miss me. Walking away, Petunia looked over her shoulder, waving back at us.

I couldn't hold it in. I exploded.

* * *

I glanced down at Lily, laughing her head off. She grasped my arm for balance, and I asked her just what was so funny.

"Petunia," she gasped. "You're so oblivious!"

"What about her?" She seemed normal enough.

"She likes you, stupid."

I ruffled my hair. "Who doesn't?"

Why was I saying this? I didn't want – no, never – but then why did I ask – I practically said – no way. It was just an arrogant comment – but that's the kind of thing I say when I – this is different though – no it's not – WHATEVER. I'll leave my hormones to sort themselves out.

"You're such a git, Potter." Lily was kidding. I think.

"Well, someone has to do it."

Lily shook her head, replying, "You should be glad I'm in a forgiving mood today. Normally, I'd be pissed off by all your arrogance."

I snorted. "Arrogance? I believe the problem lies with you being overly sensitive."

This seemed to darken her mood quite a bit. "And, tell me, exactly HOW am I overly sensitive?"

"Well," I began, ticking them off on my fingers for effect, "You're always yelling at me for no good reason, you're always complaining about me, you get offended at practically anything I say. And, now that you're prefect," I concluded, "You'll be docking points constantly." Okay, that might have been a slight exaggeration, but hey, she needs to face her faults, right?

However, she didn't appreciate my kind gesture of showing them to her.

"Potter!" she screeched. "My 'faults' are nothing compared to what is wrong with YOU! You STRUT around the halls, cursing people's noses off, JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT! You expect everyone to think you're some sort of GOD, and bow down to you! And QUIDDITCH! Don't get me started on THAT, Potter! A STUPID, MEAN, USELLESS SEEKER IS WHAT YOU ARE! For some obscure reason everyone WORSHIPS you for those qualities! And you're always messing up your awful hair! What, do you think it looks SEXY? More like IDIOTIC! And torturing Snape because it's FUNNY! You actually find going out of your way to ruin someone's day AMUSING! You're a BASTARD, Potter! A heartless BASTARD!"

By this point her voice had built up, and she screamed that last word with so much force that it dug into you, criticizing you over and over and over and over…

Lily spun on her heel to stomp off, but came face to face with a quizzical looking Alice.

Her eyes immediately lost their anger, and her furious expression morphed into one of pleasant surprise.

"Why Alice! It's been ages, you really must tell me about Italy…" And with that, Lily linked her arm through Alice's, chattering all the while, and led her away.

Strolling away, Alice twisted her head around, glanced at me, and laughed.

**That took a while. Now here's the big, squishy thank yous:**

**Phat duck: uh, thanx talya, but you really don't need to check to see if anyone's reviewed everyday.  Ya, well I talk to you almost everyday, but I'm still upset that you're going to camp to a month. STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT WRITING THE NEXT CHAPTER EVERY FREAKIN' DAY! (actually, it's okay, I probably wouldn't of put it up so soon if it wasn't for you)**

**Revi: it took me forever to find out what LMAO meant! Dankeshun (or however you spell it)**

**Billy: well, the whole self confidence thing I wrote was a joke (most say I'm too confident), but I can become an egoistical prick too if you want.**

**Vermillion guppy: uh huh. Whatever, talya. **

**Monkeynolikefanfiction: I can't belive you didn't even bother to read the story, mia! Oh well, I'm impressed you got on fanfiction in the first place.**

**StarCrossed Lovers: I'll try to fit that in somewhere, but it'll be difficult….**

**THANK YOU TO:**

**Jillie**

**Phredtheflyingmonkey**

**Jesusfreakfromdp**

**Mirkwoodmage**

**The next chapter will include…something.**


	5. tapping

**A/N: **This chapter's especially short, and took especially long to put up, so you can complain all you want, but HEY, it's here! Voila! (I have no idea how to spell that, but the computer didn't correct me, so HA!) Thank you's are at the end, and IF you review, YOUR name will appear on that list, and when you see it, a warm, cuddly feeling willl overwhelm you. And who doesn't want that? ****

**Disclaimer: **ahem technically, when I signed the contract permitting me to have an account on fanfiction, I agreed that none of this was mine. But hey, it takes up space, which makes the chapter seem much longer than it really is. What's to lose?****

Chapter 4 

I turned away from Alice's laughing face, surprisingly depressed. Usually things like that just roll off me. Weird. But, as usual, something kept me from pursuing my thoughts any further.

"It seems like just a little of that Potter charm will do the trick, eh? It certainly helped you out here."

"Shut it, Sirius."

He merely grinned. "You said you didn't like Evans, but I guess you can't hide from the truth– "

"I don't like her!"

"Don't like who? Evans?" Remus had found us. Does everyone think this? Remus rolled his eyes dramatically, conjuring a tremendous sigh. "We already had this conversation, in third year, remember?" His gaze shifted to Sirius. "Did you get any farther than last time?"

Sirius shook his head, as Remus grumbled about my stupidity. What great friends I have.

* * *

"So…how was yelling your ass off at Potter, Lily?"

"I wasn't yelling, Alice."

"Oh really?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Could've fooled me."

* * *

Three hours into the train ride, and I was bored. Remus had gone off to fulfill his newly acquired prefect duties, while Sirius and Peter entertained themselves with Exploding Snap, the tips of their hair and eyebrows (or lack of) singed black. So I just sat there, really, doing nothing. This continued for half an hour, until Sirius casually remarked,

"I always thought you and Evans would make a great couple. Guess I'm right again."

MUST we go through this over and over? This is the second time today! Honestly, I preferred Peter's whining to this. "Bugger off."

Sirius ignored me, asking, "When are you gonna ask her out?"

I could feel myself growing red in the face, my body tightening up as I turned to face Sirius. It took all my willpower to contain my frustration. Shaking slightly, my voice strained as I said, "Sirius? PLEASE stop talking about Evans."I I glared at my friend, daring him to push me.

Sirius knew when to back down. 'Whatever you say James…"

* * *

I sauntered back to my compartment from the prefects meeting, pleased that my first day on the job went well.

I opened the door to find Frank and Alice, ears pressed against the wall, motioning for me to be quiet. I copied them (quietly), and listened to our neighbor's conversation.

"–Evans." James' muffled voice drifted through the walls.

Sirius's weary reply came, sighing, "Whatever you say James…"

Hmm. They were talking about me. Asses.

Normally, I'd burst in there, ready to put Potter in his place, but I decided to cut him some slack. (SEE Potter? I'm so not overly sensitive.)

I took out a book (an old favorite, "The Fellowship of the Ring"), while Alice and Frank chose similar activities, and a content silence settled upon our compartment. On page 202 – _"You don't say, Mr. Mugwort!" said the landlord, looking puzzled – _our neighbors intervened.

_Knock Knock. _The sound bore through our thin walls. I ignored it, preferring not to join in on the marauders' game.

_Tap tap Tap tap_ _KNOCK. Tap tap Tap tap KNOCK. _

ARGH.

* * *

"Whatcha wanna do?" Sirius and I sat alone in the compartment (after a particularly ruthless game of Exploding Snap, Peter had gone off to see if anybody had an extra bottle of Quick-Gro).

Then, a light bulb switched on in Sirius's head. _We should harass Evans. _Of course, I failed to see the stupidity of this, forgetting how angry I had already made her today, and her reputation in charms. "Sure." I agreed. _Sure? _Jeez, how stupid can I get?

We started simple. _Knock Knock. _No answer.

We tried again, adding a little more variety into the rhythm.

Nothing.

Sirius and I rapped out a more complex one.

_Boom da-boom-da Boom da-boom-da Tap Tap Tap Tap Boom da-boom-da Boom da-boom-da Tap Tap Tap Tap Boom da-boom-da Boom d_–

Lily cut off our masterpiece by banged on the wall, causing the whole compartment rattle. "OY!" She hollered, "SHUT UP!"

Hehe. This was going to be fun.

**A/N: ARGH! Stupid fanfiction (I don't really mean that) is messing up all my paragraphing that I worked so hard at! So if any paragraphing's weird, I'll try to fix it, but it's not my fault!**

**The thank you's: (these are the people who have the pleasure of enjoying warm cuddly feelings)**

**Phat duck: here it is, my extremely unpatient friend (that's what you get for not waiting for me to read a walk in your shoes) because of that unfortunate incident, some one is not going to get next chapter previews! So ha! I bet 10 cents you just said "WHAT?"**

**Revi: you're the only person besides talya/phat duck to have done more than one review! I congradulate you, PLEASE keep it up! (now I'm begging, but I don't care anymore) I'm glad you sympathise with my lack of knowledge. Nobody else does. **

**(I don't expect I'll keep this promise, you know my lack of willpower)**

oh yes, thank you to

**tom felton's one and only (previously starcrossedlovers?)**

**lingdot**

**maddie (your name's too hard to type, and I'm too lazy to copy and paste)**

**phat duck**

**loveinheaven (once again, too lazy to write correctly)**

**watervolleyhp**

**soccergirl975**

who put me on their favorites list/author alert. Smooches!


	6. knock knock jokes and nose hair

**A/N: not much to say. YO! Oh but guess what? I'm going to a new school (a place called BPC) and my new friend there reads fanfiction! Tamora Pierce though (she's my favorite writer, but TP fanfictions tend to be boring. If you find this chapter to be incredibly strange, blame phat duck/Talya because she wet on my computer and wrote the line "…who in utter confusion was babbling about how I should get my nose hair clipped at the bakery" and it pretty much went from there. I meant to introduce an OC character in this chapter, but I never got around to it. Oh well. Thank you's are at the end (not that there are that many to thank this time. I guess people don't like warm cuddly feelings…)**

Chapter 6:

****After much contemplation, I decided that when it came to Evans, harassment wasn't always the best way to go. I had quite a lot of time to think about this, for I wasn't allowed out of the hospital wing for another week or two. Stuck in bed number thirty-seven, my only company was Sirius, who had taken a spell to the head and hadn't quite recovered yet. Oh, and the first year that fell into the lake, but he didn't really count. Freezing, self-centered beginners do not make for a good conversation. I turned toward Sirius, who in utter confusion was babbling about how I should get my nose hair clipped at the bakery.

"Uh, Sirius?" I asked tentatively.

"What? Wow, that nose-hair certainly shows."

"Actually, I just plucked it."

"Well," Sirius rudely said, "I'm sure you have some body part that needs a trim. Ear hair perhaps?"

"Sirius, I–"

Sirius interrupted once again. "Now there's no need to thank me, the joy on your face is all I need. Though tips are recommended." He grinned a lop-sided grin. My lop-sided grin.

"Hey!" I snapped, "That's my grin! Copyright and everything." I was kidding of course, but maybe in Sirius's current state he'd believe me.

"Oh yeah? Well take a look at this." He whipped out a parchment covered in scribbles, cleared his throat and began to dictate, adopting a more formal tone.

"To Mister Sirius Black, it is my great honor to present you the rights and ownership of 'The Grin.' I trust you will use it well. Sincerely, James Potter." He folded up the square of parchment, and once more gave me The Grin, the same one I "presented" him with. Sirius chuckled, adding,

"I'm so glad we see it the same way, Mr. Potter. I do LOVE that grin."

I glared at Sirius, replying, "Doesn't Madame Windleweed check on you about now?"

"Oh, that's not for a few more minutes, dear. Why so anxious?" Sirius questioned, adding under his breath, "He could really use a haircut, though."

"No reason."

Sirius accepted my vagueness with a wave of his hand. "Whatever. Seen any cute girls lately?"

"No." I didn't want to get into another Evans argument.

"Well I did. That house elf Minkle is really something, eh?"

Eww. This had gone too far. I called for Madame Windleweed and convinced her to give Sirius his potion early. He protested, shouting, "But he's the one who needs a haircut!"

As Sirius drifted off to sleep (still chattering), I looked back at the first year. Maybe he wasn't so bad.

* * *

I knew that the curses I used were not light, but TWO weeks! I forced fourteen days of Madame Windleweed down on Potter and Black, and rumor has it that Black suffered a head injury, which has yet to be fixed.

I'm feeling pretty proud of myself right about now.

I think I had a right to get upset. Anyone would have gotten mad. Maybe not as mad as I got, but still mad.

_After 47 minutes of knocking, I decided to take a visit to their compartment. I slid open the door, and politely asked if they would stop._

_"Do we have to?" James whined._

_"Yes."_

_"Fine. We won't knock on the wall. Happy?"_

_"Very." It surprised me I didn't need to threaten them. That alone should have showed me they were up to something, but being the trusting, gullible girl that I am, I didn't question it. _

_I can sure be an idiot sometimes._

_So I went back to my own compartment, and precisely three and a half minutes later, on page two hundred and nine – _"Ah!" said Mr. Butterbur – _Potter's voice traveled through the walls._

_"Knock knock."_

_Oh my god. For some reason, I went along with it._

_"Who's there?"_

_"Banana!"_

_Oh no._

_"Banana who?" I hate this joke._

_"Banana!"_

_"Banana who?" I mean REALLY hate this joke. _

_"Banana!"_

_"Banana who?" Not just the normal kind of hate, but hardcore._

_"Banana!"_

_"Banana WHO?" And come on, who hasn't heard this joke a million times?_

_"BANANA!" _

_"BANANA WHO?" Potter is dead._

**"BANANA!" **

_This time I didn't bother replying._

_I went to their compartment instead._

_"Evans! Couldn't stay away?" _

_I didn't mean for it to happen. I was angry. Potter had already mad me mad once today, but he just had to do it AGAIN._

_I aimed a curse at him, but due to his stupid quidditch reflexes, he ducked. Sirius however, was conveniently sitting behind him. I guess my aim was off too, cause it hit him in the head. Oops. _

_I managed to hex Potter on my second try, and he went out cold. Hehe. Oh well._

_I tiptoed back to the door, peered cautiously left and right, and stepped outside. I strode down to the end of the hall, then promptly turned around and went back, pretending I had just emerged from the door that led to the next set of compartments. I innocently opened Potter and Black's section, shrieking "WHAT HAPPENED?!"_

It was a very low thing to do, I admit, but extremely satisfactory. Plus, everybody blamed Malfoy, and he's got a month of detention.

**A/N: did you know that the official name for a '?!' is 'interabang?! (Interabang!) Isn't that awesome?! I learned from my new English teacher Ms. Chun. **

**I'm still not above begging for reviews. nods . I don't expect anybody will get that, unless Evan reads L/J fanfiction. I just felt like doing it anyways. **

**Oh yes, the thank you's:**

**(I don't thank anybody who's already been thanked for a certain review, because I hate in when authors drone on and on in these things (though it makes the chapter look wonderfully long)**

**phat duck: **I'm so sorry about the mess I got you in. really. Trust me, it's going to work out and it will all be cleared up tomorrow. To everybody who's reading this thank you note: don't ask. Please.

Tom Felton's One and Only: thanks! (I love gushing reviews!) 

**LOvEiNhEaVeN:** look! I spelled your name right! (even if I did copy and paste). Shyea shyea (that's thank you in madrin, though I spelled it wrong)

And once again to phat duck – 

**SORRY! SERIOUSLY. I LOVE YOU! (IN A FRIEND TYPE OF WAY OF COURSE)**


	7. Potter's solution to love

A/N: I apologize if I scarred you for life by taking so long to update, but I refuse to accept that it's my fault. Blame whomever you want; my history teacher Mr. O, my really…strange Math teacher from Ukraine (Mr. G) , or even the little bendy paperclip in the bottom right corner of the screen who always struck me as a pervert because he gives me these really suggestive looks. But you can't blame me, or, if you do, you have to do it in your review.

Oh yeah, if the POV changes confuse you, there should be thin grey lines in between each change. If you're partially blind, it's pretty easy to guess who's speaking.

Chapter 7:

****Evans. Why does everyone think I like her? I don't. Okay, maybe I admire her a tiny bit. You have to admit, those curses she threw on us were pretty complex. No wonder she has the best grades in our year. Maybe she's so smart because she has all that red hair to twirl around her fingers as she studies. Not that I like red hair. And the only reason I know her study habits is because Sirius told me. Honest.

Remus claims he heard me muttering about her eyes in my sleep. Why would I dream about her eyes? Sure they're gorgeous, but it's -.

Not that I ever look at her eyes. Sirius told me all that crap.

I heard she got the Prefect position though. Wonder who's Gryffindor's other Prefect. Not that I care. Who would want to be a Prefect? No fun lives in that post. It kills fun, massacres it. The only upside would be hanging out with the girl Prefect. Not that I'd want to hang out with Evans. Not at all. I'm merely suggesting that if Evans didn't hate my guts, she…oh, there's no point on following through on that thought; of course she hates me.

Sirius says Evans' is hot. Trust me, she's not. In fact, average would probably be a generous rating of her. Well, I wouldn't say generous, but she's not that good looking. Maybe she's a little above average, or a bit higher, but no more. Really. Fine, she's pretty; I'll give her that. But looks don't make her nice.

Every single encounter I've had with her just proves she's evil. Well, at least slightly short tempered. Perhaps it has something to do with all those pranks she's endured over the years (especially the one with the jello). What? It's not our fault she took them to heart. She really should have seen them as compliments. The Marauder's way of saying, "You're fun to prank". Though she's cute when she's mad. And funny, but – Wait! I don't like her! I just think she's…_awesome_?

Oh shit, I like her, don't I?

But it's perfectly normal for a hormonal teenage boy to be attracted to their enemies. Hell, I bet Sirius would like Snape if he was gay. Which he's not, but STILL.

A FEW DAYS LATER 

**(FRESH OUT OF THE HOSPITAL WING)**

I've decided. I can't have a "crush" on Evans. No one else knows yet, so I still have time to stop it. Being the genius I am, I've already come up with a plan. I named it the "Evans-is-NOT-my-crush" plan, and it's foolproof. All I have to do is follow through.

**Step 1: Avoid her.**

**Step 2: Continue to avoid her.**

**Step 3: Realize you never liked her.**

**Step 4: Have an argument with her to reinforce hate.**

**Step 5: Congratulate yourself.**

**Step 6: Drink some Butterbeer.**

**Step 7: Up ego even more by beating Remus at chess.**

****

See? Foolproof. Well, except for the 'beating Remus at chess' part, but I'll survive.

* * *

Potter's been acting strange lately. Every time he notices me in the hall, he'll scurry away in the other direction. It's really quite funny. Alice has been laughing her head off at the whole affair, and Frank (being a tad thick), is just confused. I guess he's scared of me after that _incident_ on the train. When I told Alice the reason he's keeping clear of me, she just laughed harder. Whatever.

* * *

Does avoiding include staring? I didn't think so. But I'm starting to find I'm doing it a lot. It's probably all part of the process. Yes, that's it. I'm supposed to be staring at her, I'm sure of it. The only reason I'm even bothering is because it helps me think of new pranks to pull on her. One day I focus on her hair, next I study her eyes, then I'll devote a couple more days to other facial parts, then maybe…

* * *

Potter's apparently decided to switch tactics. Now, instead of treating me like a contagious disease, he's staring me into oblivion. So much better. Actually, the whole approach is quite unnerving.

When I glanced up from taking notes in Transfiguration, I noticed Potter gazing at me, not writing, not sleeping, just _gazing_. And of course, leave it up to McGonagall to really embarrass me.

"Potter?" McGonagall snapped. "Mr. Potter!"

James broke out of his trance, jerking his head up. "Huh?"

"Mr. Potter," McGonagall rebuked, "As fascinating as Ms. Evans is, watching her will not contribute to your learning in any way. If you listen to the lesson, I'm sure you will find it equally alluring."

Staring is now an official step on my list. It's number one and a half. I think it's really working, though McGonagall didn't seem to appreciate the new addition. But I'm still learning. Remus takes really good notes.

A/N: Sorry to end it there, but I don't feel like writing anymore. 

THE THANK YOU'S:

**I will reply to these next chapter OR I'll reload this one with the replies in a day or twso. Too lazy to now.**


	8. The Interrogation

**A/N: In case you're wondering, I probably have disappeared off the face of the earth, because that's really the only reasonable explanation for the horrendously long wait in between the seventh and the eighth chapter. The longest yet if I'm not mistaken, but don't blame me (see chapter seven A/N for full list of excuses – the paperclip gets worse everyday). I don't like this chapter a whole lot, but once again it's all James point of view, so for all the reviewers who complained that the constant POV switching was too heavy on their brains, here ya go. Hopefully it will be Lily's side in the next chapter, she hasn't bee getting enough attention lately.**

A bright light glared in my eyes, forcing me to squint as two people approached me, stepping out from the blackness that enveloped the rest of the room. Rather cheesy, really.

"You've been kind of quiet lately, James." One of my interrogators circled menacingly around my chair, hands behind his back in a classic Sherlock Holmes style.

"So…?"

"So? Is that all? No pranks, no torturing Snape, no dates! We both know something's up." He motioned his partner to step forward. "We've both asked you about this before, you know."

"Many times," added the other one.

"Asked what?" honestly, I had no idea.

"About who you like."

"Oh god. Not this AGAIN! I don't like her!" What?

Man number one (or boy, really. I, for a fact, know it took him two ad a half months to grow an insy-tinsy bit of chin stubble) studied me with a sarcastically bemused expression. Sadly, he has the look nailed, due to numerous amounts of previous encounters far too similar to this one. "How in the world does he know who I'm talking about?"

"To be honest," said number two, attempting to conceal a sheepish face, "I have no idea who you're thinking of."

The first one swiveled around, gaping at his companion in shock. "Are you kidding me?" he hissed. "You know who I mean!"

The confused one furrowed his eyebrows. "I do?"

"Yes, you do!" came the words between clenched teeth. "It's you-know-who!"

The lost expression remained on the teen's face.

"Jeez Sirius!" I said, rolling my eyes. "Even I know who Remus is talking about."

Remus spun around once again, triumphant. "AHA!" he exclaimed. "I knew it!"

"So who are we talking about again?" Sirius asked, still oblivious.

"Lily Evans."

"Right."

Surprisingly, I didn't even protest. I've come to terms with myself about her, if only temporarily. Not that anyone needs to know that. The blinding light was taken off me, and the normal ones turned on, revealing assortments of clothes, quidditch related items, and other stereotypical boy things in no apparent order (Sirius however, maintained the idea that there was one, it was just invisible).

Remus fell back onto the cleanest bed. "What I want to know is whatever happened to your…fondness of Alice?"

I glanced up at him. "Who's Alice?" Remus apparently found my ignorance amusing, and Sirius once again appeared to be as confused as I was.

Remus sighed. "Blonde, pretty short, hangs out with Lily Evans…?"

Sirius' face brightened. "She's the person who didn't like to be kissed by me!"

"Yep." I nodded - now I remembered. "She enjoys laughing, has two annoying brothers, hides under the table when Mrs. Longbottom comes by, and has a crush on Sean Padred."

"Who's Mrs. Longbottom?"

"How should I know?" I demanded. "She's just with Lily a lot, and they talk to each other."

Remus grinned. "So you've been following Lily around, eh?"

"W…wuh…..we…..maybe!" I stuttered. "What's it to you?"

"Just wondering."

"Really Remus, that's the worst lie I've heard for a few years. Since the beginning of second year in fact, when you were still attempting – sorry Remus, but it was pretty pathetic – to pull off the 'My aunt died, again' story every month."

Sirius coughed. "Speaking of which…"

James eyes widened. Glancing over at Remus he realized that it was not the harsh light that had him look pale, but the rapidly approaching full moon. He grabbed a calendar lying on Sirius' bedside table. He laughed when he found the entire thing scribbled over with multiple notes reading

**PMS**

Gretchen: 2nd – 5th

Alice: 9th – 16th

Marissa: 17th – 19th

Sylvia: 1st – 31st

Lily: 11th – 22nd

Can be longer

"How exactly do you know this, Sirius?" I asked, suspicious of Sirius' apparently vast knowledge of this…ahem…subject.

Sirius grinned. "I have the don't ask don't tell policy, James."

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe it's better that I don't know." I turned back to the calendar, searching for the moon cycles amidst a sea of…other notes. I sucked in my breath when I saw when I caught a glimpse of the date of the full moon. "Tomorrow!" I yelled. "Remus, the full moon'stomorrow?"

Remus shuffled his feet, mumbling, "Yes, well I wanted to make sure you and Sirius were out of the hospital wing and well before I went myself."

Sirius snorted. "That's ridiculous. I was perfectly okay the whole time. It's just that Madame Windleweed has the hots for me, and Jamsie over here was fine once they got the tentacle off his head."

I glared at Sirius. "For your information, you were most definitely not fine, and it was a very small tentacle." Remus chuckled, and I pointed an accusing finger at him. "You should be at the hospital wing."

"But what about the animagi stuff?"

"Leave that to us. Now go." I firmly led a stumbling Remus to the door. "You're going to get sick if you stay much longer. Want help to the hospital wing?"

Remus shook his head. "I'll be fine, thanks." As Remus went off, I scampered down to the common room, where peter was reading Witch Weekly. I considerately ignored his magazine of choice, and instead shouted, "Peter! Get your butt up here, we've got stuff to do."

**A/N: horrible ending I know, but it's all I'm up for today. No idea what the next chapter is going to be about, but I am vaguely aware of the plot scheme (or lack of one, really) in the 10th. Just more evidence proving my insanity, eh?**

**The Thank You's (there really are some this time):**

**Jeez I have so many! This is going to take forever.**

**Chapter 6 thank you's:**

**Phat duck: **You know Talya, it's really funny how a "genius" like you can't spell genius. Or the word 'this', for that matter. Or the word 'hilarious'. Anyways, did you have fun at the Harlem Globe Trotter's show?

P.S. I could of sworn that voice on the radio was your brother's.

**ChickFlick004: **I know, I know sulks in corner I'm trying, but since it was confusing I put the whole eighth chapter in James POV. Is that okay? Thanks for the other comments too!

**Secludeddark: **Thank you very much! I give all the credit of the "nose hair clipped at the bakery" line to phat duck's half asleep dad.

**KeeperofthePineNeedles: **Hi Simone. Talya's not the only one who needs to work on her spelling. Hope you had fun at the stupid Crowden dance. We had a jolly lot of fun at our school! (Kind of…)

P.S. read the fanfic "This is ME" by EvilDemonClownsStoleMyShoes. It's a Ginny/Draco that one of my reviewers wrote. She's cool.

**lOvEhEaVeN: **Bah humbug…I copied and pasted that time too. This time I spent three and a half minutes carefully copying it. Did I finally get it right?

**Septempopuli: **You are my new idol. You reviewed every single chapter and I don't even know you! Brilliant! I love your story by the way. You REALLY need to update though. Everything under is my responses to your sacred reviews1

**#1: **Gracias! That's what all my boy friends (as in friends that are boys) say when I do something weird. Typical, no?

** #2: **Neither can I. And if he did, it would probably be the kind where the punch line is "and then, he farted!". I can just imagine Peter guffawing over this, while everyone else is giving him weird looks.

** #3: **I know Remus isn't a werewolf, that's what I meant; it just didn't come out that way.

** #4: **ahem well, I can't take full credit for that - it was partly my friend Kate's idea (you should see her Petunia imitations). Her screen name's lingdot on fanfiction.

** #5: **I like Lord of the Rings too. Did you recognize what part it was from the quotes?

** #6: **The "nose hair at the bakery" line is actually a quote from phat duck's half asleep dad. The hexes that Lily cast on James will remain a mystery for a while, but I slip a tiny bit in towards the end of this chapter. Not sure what BTW means, but there will be more chapters. 5th year is when Lily begins to get nasty, and James switches his annoyance up a notch (not to mention his quickly forming crush, as well). Thanks again for the beauteous reviews!

**Chapter 7 thank you's:**

****

**Phat duck: **Mr. O (as in Owens) told us that jiffy thing last year too, remember? I would nag about your spelling of the word 'guess', but I'm aware that recently you learned its proper spelling, so I'm not going to bother. I gave your dad credit just now in the thank you's whenever people asked. Inform Avi he can wait, fanfiction is way more important. Plus, he's about 5 million grades ahead in math. Also tell Brenda that Gwenagain says she's looking lovely today.

**Secludeddark: **hope you like this one as much as the last! Your review cheered me up. Tell your friend I said hi!

**EvilDemonClownsStoleMyShoes: **Jeez, your name changes a lot! I'm trying to read your story, I really am! I told all my friends that like Ginny/Draco fics about it though. See ya!

**Jordan**I just talked to you a few minutes ago, you know (well actually, you probably do…). Hope things get cleared up between you and Doug, and your book gets published! Oh, and enjoy the new school Ms. President!


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